Ghetto Sperm - Movies

Movies - What's Good and What Sucks

The movie industry is raping our wallets and I really hate to waste a whole $10 on a worthless piece of crap. I'll bet you do too. Here's the official Ghetto Sperm guide to what's worth your money:

Because we're not professional movie critics, we're not going to give full reviews. You'll get a blurb and a rating. You want a good movie review site? Go to FilmThreat.com.

Rating System: Some websites give stars, we give splats. More specifically, sperm splats. Of course we were going to do it. 0 splats means the movie was like watching blank film, 5 splats means it's a classic.

In Theaters

Driven - I think the best word for this is "ordinary." Ordinary special effects, ordinary dialogue, and ordinary plot are backed up by a soundtrack of the same Crystal Method and Lo Fidelity All-Stars songs you hear in every movie. Go if you're totally desperate.

2 splats: Nothing special.

Momento - Finally, something that can rival Blow. A complex story that's well put together is revealed in a very interesting manner. This should be your movie of choice right now.

4 splats: Terrific, but lacking.

The Mummy Returns - Not great cinema, but I laughed a lot. It's not much better than the original, just a lot more fantastical. Go if you've got nothing better to do.

3 splats: Good.

To Rent

Pay It Forward - It's not American Beauty, but it's damned near there. It's the best thing you'll find in the New Releases aisle. It would get 4 splats, but the horribly pretentious ending rips one of those right off the rating.

3 splats: Good

Vertical Limit - Another man vs nature movie. Watch a bunch of people suffer in a pampered Hollywood director's idea of roughing it.

2 splats: Nothing special.

Ghetto Sperm Movie Classics

The following is a list of classic movies that any self respecting movie collector should own. In no particular order whatsoever.

Half Baked - Comedy

Fight Club - Drama

Braveheart - Action Drama

South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut - Comedy

Gladiator - Action Drama

Die Hard - Action

Magnolia - Drama

American Beauty - Drama

The Matrix - Sci-fi Action

Forrest Gump - Comedic Drama

Private Parts - Comedy

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GS Areas Main The Craptorium Boob Tube Movies and Crap Games Contact About us Best viewed at 800x600 resolution.	Movies - What's Good and What Sucks The movie industry is raping our wallets and I really hate to waste a whole $10 on a worthless piece of crap. I'll bet you do too. Here's the official Ghetto Sperm guide to what's worth your money: Because we're not professional movie critics, we're not going to give full reviews. You'll get a blurb and a rating. You want a good movie review site? Go to FilmThreat.com. Rating System: Some websites give stars, we give splats. More specifically, sperm splats. Of course we were going to do it. 0 splats means the movie was like watching blank film, 5 splats means it's a classic. In Theaters Driven - I think the best word for this is "ordinary." Ordinary special effects, ordinary dialogue, and ordinary plot are backed up by a soundtrack of the same Crystal Method and Lo Fidelity All-Stars songs you hear in every movie. Go if you're totally desperate. 2 splats: Nothing special. Momento - Finally, something that can rival Blow. A complex story that's well put together is revealed in a very interesting manner. This should be your movie of choice right now. 4 splats: Terrific, but lacking. The Mummy Returns - Not great cinema, but I laughed a lot. It's not much better than the original, just a lot more fantastical. Go if you've got nothing better to do. 3 splats: Good. To Rent Pay It Forward - It's not American Beauty, but it's damned near there. It's the best thing you'll find in the New Releases aisle. It would get 4 splats, but the horribly pretentious ending rips one of those right off the rating. 3 splats: Good Vertical Limit - Another man vs nature movie. Watch a bunch of people suffer in a pampered Hollywood director's idea of roughing it. 2 splats: Nothing special. Ghetto Sperm Movie Classics The following is a list of classic movies that any self respecting movie collector should own. In no particular order whatsoever. Half Baked - Comedy Fight Club - Drama Braveheart - Action Drama South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut - Comedy Gladiator - Action Drama Die Hard - Action Magnolia - Drama American Beauty - Drama The Matrix - Sci-fi Action Forrest Gump - Comedic Drama Private Parts - Comedy	What the hell is this? Here we give reviews on movies. Is that movie really worth your money? I doubt it, but read our reviews anyway.